


Thnks fr th Mmrs

by redroses100



Series: Fall Out Boyfriends [7]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: 1 year anniversary, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bondage, Dubious Consent, Feels, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, Foreplay, Lots of kissing, M/M, Rough Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Smut, Surprise Ending, Sweet Sex, That good shit, anniversary fic, can't tell, don't forget about the angst tho, dubious consent happened in the past, holy shit guys, it's finally time, mostly - Freeform, present is good times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 02:32:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroses100/pseuds/redroses100
Summary: “It’s midnight.”“Well spotted.”“Do you know what that means?”“That somewhere else on the planet it’s five p.m. and people are getting shit faced at the end of their workday?”“It means…that it’s officially our anniversary.”OR the 1 year anniversary of the day I posted the FOB series! Time for an anniversary fic!





	Thnks fr th Mmrs

**Author's Note:**

> HEEEEEY! it has been a minute since i've posted anything. Between moving, job searching, and crippling depression the last 4 months have been pretty busy for me! there's many projects i wanted to get done that never even got started. and there are things that i started back in like February that still aren't finished! BUt! i'm incredibly happy that i managed to get this done for this day in particular! thank you to everyone who has been here since day one! I hope i can continue to bring you the good shit for another year!

“So.” Shizuo states randomly, drawing my attention to him for probably the first time in a few hours. I’m not entirely sure how long. He’s whined before that I get too sucked into my work and then ignore him. But he’s pretty good at getting me to pay attention when he wants.

“So?” I repeat, leaning back in my chair to let him know I’m listening only to him, and not still messing around online.

“It’s midnight.” He points out. I glance at the clock on my laptop, and lo and behold! He’s not wrong.

“Well spotted.” I smirk. Shizuo scowls.

“Do you know what that means?” He asks, lumbering to his feet to approach me. I close my laptop, moving it to the side. Somehow I feel that I’m not going to be getting anymore work done tonight.

“That somewhere else on the planet it’s five p.m. and people are getting shit faced at the end of their workday?” I suggest, reaching for the most ridiculous thing to enter my mind off the bat. Shizuo looks away from me for a moment- both to appear long suffering, and to hide the fact that he’s actually amused by my shitty humor.

“It means…that it’s officially our anniversary.” He tells me very seriously. I blink at him a few times. “You haven’t been keeping track, have you?”

“...Have you?” I manage to squeak out. It seems impossible to me. Unfathomable. Shizuo Heiwajima, keeping track of the days and remembering when our anniversary comes around. Holy shit, what day is he even counting for our anniversary? When did this…thing even technically have it’s start date?

“Yeah, I have. And being that it’s our anniversary, I thought we could do something.” He insists, leaning his hands on my desk assertively.

“Let me guess, have sex?” I sigh.

“If that’s what you want to do. I just meant doing something in general. At some point today.”

“Just cuz it’s midnight doesn’t mean it’s today. It’s not today until I go to sleep.” I dismiss, leaning back even further in my seat. Shizuo grumbles, straightening up to his full height.

“So do you wanna do something or not?” He demands. I pretend to ponder it for a long while, just because I know it annoys him.

“Of course I’ll do something with you, you dumb monster. But I’m not going outside unless there’s a damn good reason. After all the running around I had to do for Shiki last week, I deserve a little R&R.” I tell him firmly. His smile stretches fondly across his face for a long moment before it darkens to a smirk.

“There’s plenty we can do right here.” He decides, slowly slinking his way around my desk. I grin indulgently at the brute, not moving an inch as he creeps closer and closer.

“Right in this very spot?” I purr with all the invitation I can muster.

“Well, you’ve always seemed to like it here in the past.” Shizuo’s smirk is sharper than my knives. “Although, you did get pretty pissed when we broke your desk that one time…”

“When ‘we’ broke my desk?” I raise an eyebrow pointedly. He doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed of himself. He plants his hands on either of my chair’s armrests and leans down to my eye level.

“My mistake. When ‘I’ broke your desk, because you kept begging me to fuck you harder and harder in the most pitiful little voice I’ve ever heard. And how could I ever say no to that?”

I don’t have the decency to be ashamed either. My lips curl into their customary smirk as I reach up to grab him by the collar of his shirt. “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to goad into doing what I want.” I mumble it practically against his lips. A tiny growl vibrates from his throat into mine as he lunges forward to kiss me.

It’s maybe been thirty hours since he’s last put his tongue in my mouth. And that’s a generous estimate, because I don’t care enough to remember the exact time. But maybe his endearing eagerness has tainted me some. I’m more excited than I probably should be, just from the feeling of his tongue moving against mine. After all this time, I’m still so damn happy that this is happening! That he is actually willingly kissing me. Of his own volition!

“There’s also the couch, if you don’t want to buy another desk.” Shizuo suggests smoothly, grabbing me by my wrists to pull me up when he straightens back to his full height. I stumble into his chest and immediately nuzzle there. He chuckles, sliding his hands down to my waist.

“Couches are more expensive than desks, you know.” I point out. But there’s no other protest as he starts walking me backwards towards the living room.

“Mmm, true enough. And beds are even more expensive than that, depending on how extra you feel like being.” He brushes some hair behind my ear so that he can nip the curve of it quick enough to not even leave a sting. “And we both know you’re the most extra motherfucker in Tokyo.”

“I do enjoy the finer things in life.” I sigh dramatically, kneading my hands in his uniform shirt. “I’ve never heard you complain, though. You sleep like a log on my very expensive bed.”

“I think that usually has more to do with how much you exhaust me in said bed.” Instantly I jerk as far away from him as I can. Which isn’t far, but it’s mostly for effect anyway.

“Oh, I exhaust you?” I demand indignantly. “Who’s the one who insists on fucking me through multiple orgasms whenever he gets in an incorrigible mood?” I can see the way his eye glaze a little because of my choice of words. But I’m just salty enough with his joke that I don’t feel like explaining the meaning of it to him. Because I’m petty.

Shizuo retaliates by cupping my ass and using the hold to grind us together. “Who’s the one who always begs for it?”

Okay, so he has a valid point. And the press of his body to mine is making it pretty difficult to think of some bullshit reply for him. So honestly, my best option is to bat my eyes as sweetly as I can, luring him in with all the cuddly cute shit he always falls for.

The second his eyes go soft and his grip turns pliant, I slip away from him and flounce towards the stairs with a skip in my step.

“You bitch.” he grumbles, following after me like a predator stalking prey. I give him an exaggeratedly cute giggle as I lead him further up the staircase, towards the second floor and the bedroom that waits there.

“Ah, but you love this bitch.” I remind him, mostly to irk him. It has the opposite effect from what I intended, since he stalls to glance up at me with a weird warmth in his gaze.

“Yeah. I guess I do.” His rumble is meant to give me butterflies, and it does. But I do my best to pretend it’s only indignation coloring my cheeks.

“You guess?” I huff, taking the last couple stairs in one leap. Shizuo resumes creeping along behind me, a grin on his devilishly handsome face. Just before my hand meets my bedroom door, his hand swoops around my middle to pull me back against his chest.

“Izaya…I love you.” This rumble gives me all the butterflies of the last, and none of the pettiness to cling to in order to hide it. I shiver a little, leaning back against him indulgently.

“I love Shizu-chan too.” I admit, much softer than his. But he still hears it. And that’s what counts…I hope.

“Take off your clothes, Izaya-kun.” He orders, reaching around me to turn the door handle and walk me inside.

And really, he doesn’t have to tell me twice. Especially since he’s asking so nicely this time.

It wasn’t always like this.

~~~Their Past~~~

I’m checking text messages as I walk- trying to get through the veritable novel that Saki sent me, which is basically singing Masaomi’s praises. She’s really grown attached to him, for someone who was only supposed to make the boy fall in love with her so that I can exploit it. I might have to do something about that later, especially if I still want my plan to proceed the way it’s supposed to.

But I can figure that out later. The Yellow Scarves and Blue Squares can wait. I have far more pressing matters.

For example, the blond beast I’ve been tailing for roughly thirty minutes now. He hasn’t noticed me, I don’t think. I haven’t been paying complete attention to pick up on any cues though. Maybe he has noticed, and he’s just ignoring me.

It burns my pride to even imagine that. At least, I choose to believe it’s spurned pride, and not the aching longing that it really is.

Shizuo starts to slow down ahead of me. Maybe his animal instincts have finally started to kick in. Maybe he’s finally sensed me behind him. Then he suddenly stops, back tense and fists clenched. Yeah, he knows I’m here.

I duck into an alleyway, just to be safe, and wait a few seconds before taking a peek around the corner of the bricks. Only to feel my face fall with confusion.

He’s nowhere to be seen! Honestly, a lumbering idiot like him shouldn’t be allowed to be quick and stealthy like that. I have idea where he got to, and that’s an unsettling feeling when it comes to Shizuo.

With a sigh, I lean back against the alley wall, pulling out my phone again. I wonder if that new start-up gang I’ve been keeping tabs on has posted anything about my monster wandering around. But a quick browse down the Dollars’ chatroom tells me nothing new.

“Damn.” I huff, resisting the urge to throw my phone.

“My thoughts exactly, I-za-ya-kun.” The deadly purr is far too close for my liking. It’s only years of parkour and tuned reflexes that allows me to slip out of Shizuo’s near hold. His hand closes on the air just half an inch from my coat sleeve, much to his growling displeasure.

That was rather surprising, I’ll admit- but only in the safety of my mind. I wasn’t expecting him to come up behind me like that.

“Not nice to sneak up on a guy like that, Shizu-chan!” I chuckle, to cover the waver in my tone. I can’t help it. He actually managed to surprise me. And it doesn’t help that every time he gets this close to me, I get a little weaker. Soon I won’t be able to convince myself to dodge that bruising swipe of his.

“I told you to stay the fuck out of Ikebukuro, flea!” Shizuo snarls, but he’s surprisingly still. Maybe it’s because I haven’t made a move to run either. A very, incredibly selfish part of me doesn’t want to run. It wants to stay, and convince him that there are things I can do for him to make him overlook my presence in his city.

Like he’d ever overlook me. I don’t think I could let him.

“Tsk, tsk. Does Shizu-chan really think he has any right to claim a whole city? How selfish. I grew up here too, you know.” I point out with a sly grin.

I can see the urge to fight building in him. It’s sure to be an exciting chase tonight. The longer we stall the start of it, the more violent and pent up he’ll become. The more his bloodlust will grow.

If only I could replace that bloodlust with good old fashioned lust.

“Why the fuck are you in my city? It’s the middle of the fucking night.” He demands, twitching with agitation that’s building more each moment.

“Hah? What makes you think it’s any of your business?” I sneer, pointing my nose into the air. He opens and closes his left hand at his side restlessly, clearly wishing he had a street sign clenched there. I’m sure I’d already be smacked clear across the street if he did.

But, because I’m a masochist, I can’t help my need to annoy him a little more. “Maybe I’m here to get laid, Shizu-chan.” I suggest with a pointed grin.

He blinks, turning a little pink just from the insinuation. And then his whole face darkens and a growl eases through the tense air between us. “Who would even want to fuck you?” He hisses.

And I don’t want to admit how much it hurts to hear it, but…it hurts. I don’t care if no one else in the entire world wants to fuck me. But having it rubbed in my face that Shizuo very definitely would never want that with me…it really sucks.

Hurt like this has always been the kindling for my harshest moments. And now is no exception. “Ne ne, you don’t have to be so jealous, Shizu-chan. I’m sure if you practiced a little, you could pretend to be human long enough to get your dick into someone. Oh, but you’d probably break them if you did. Guess it can’t be anyone you like then, huh? Such a shame.”

I hope he thinks about my petty comment all night long. And every time he looks at someone with any consideration, I hope it pops back into his head. If only to keep him from sleeping with someone who isn’t me. I’d do anything to keep that from happening, honestly.

“You piece of shit!” Shizuo roars, clearly not appreciating my attempt at keeping him emotionally distant from all other humans. He lunges for me, but I twirl out of the way at the last moment with a smooth slice of my knife along the way. He hisses deep in his chest when he straightens up only to find a long, shallow slash up the side of his arm.

“Oops. Did I poke the bear a little hard? I’m sure that was uncomfortable for you, since you seem more the type who would do the poking, ne Shizu-chan?” I blink innocently, swiping my finger along the flat of my blade to gather up the tiny amount of blood I drew from him.

His golden eyes track the motion, following my finger down the metal and then up to my mouth where I lick at the minuscule amount of crimson.

It has to be revulsion that makes his expression twist like that. Pure, complete disgust. But at least he’s looking at me. At least he’s giving all that energy and all his thoughts to me. I smile a little too happily.

“You’re disgusting.” He snaps. I shrug, turning my back to flounce further down the alley.

I know it goes pretty far, wrapping around the building to my right so that they can keep their dumpsters hidden from easy sight of the street. I also know that I can scale those dumpsters and use them as a boost to get to the fire escape of said building pretty easily. So it’s not like I’m really cornering myself. Not really.

“Shizu-chan is just too sensitive. And that’s why he’ll die a virgin.” I say decisively, just because I know it’ll make him follow me.

And he does. A little quicker than I anticipated honestly. He gets a little too close to snatching me by the hood before I jump up on a dumpster. But the self satisfied smugness doesn’t get much a chance to build in me.

For the second time tonight, he surprises me. But this time it’s because of his hand wrapping tightly around my ankle and yanking.

My stomach hits the edge of the dumpster hard, knocking all the air out of me and leaving my head spinning with the force of the sudden nausea. I slide the rest of the way off the dumpster, landing in a crumpled heap on the ground at Shizuo’s feet.

“Shizu-chan is so mean.” I wheeze, cradling an arm around my throbbing stomach, just in case he gets the bright idea to kick me.

He hasn’t managed to catch me often. Maybe three or four times in total. Usually he gets a few hits and punches in before I can slip away, and even that much haunts me for days- if not weeks. Completely at his mercy like this…I’m sure it’s gonna be a hell of a beating.

But the first punch doesn’t come. Neither does a kick. It’s weird. Finally it’s been still for so long that I have to crane my neck to look over my shoulder at him.

“Such a shame you won’t get laid tonight after all.” He sneers, once he notices my attention on him. His foot plants on my back, between my shoulders, and pushes me all the way to the ground. The rest of my recently reclaimed breath leaves me in a huff.

“There’s still time.” I whisper, not even sure why I’m saying it. He’s mad enough at me already. And there’s really no way I’d go have sex, even if I did have someone willing to do it with me. Which is practically impossible to begin with. Otherwise I wouldn’t have made it to this age still a virgin.

“You’re not going anywhere, flea.” Shizuo growls.

It’s probably a little bit masochism, and a little bit delirium caused by pain. But whatever it is, my brain actually manages to think that it’s a good idea to look up at him with a challenging smirk and say, “Guess you’ll have to do it then.”

His foot vanishes from my back so fast, I feel like it leaves an impression for a few seconds- like a handprint on a mattress. The sudden absence makes it both easier and harder to breathe. My airway is clear now, but my chest clenches up at the obvious rejection.

“What the fuck…” Shizuo rumbles over me. I chuckle towards the pavement, debating whether I want to spring up and run while he’s obviously confused, or if I want to stay here forever and just die of shame.

“Ne, are you really so shocked?” I murmur to myself. I hear him shuffle a little, and swing my head back towards with a bright smile. “It’s probably better that way anyway. Shizu-chan would definitely break me!”

There’s that pink face again. It’s unbearably cute. It’s not right for such a beast to be such a cutie.

With a scoff, I start to slowly prop myself back up, so I’m not just laying sprawled on the dirty alley ground. Before I can get my feet beneath me, Shizuo’s hand grabs me by the back of my hair and pushes me back down. A wounded keen rises in my throat as my already aching ribs take another hit from the ground.

“Wha- Shizu-cha-”

“I would break you, huh I-za-ya-kun?” He purrs over my alarmed whine. I feel my whole body lock up at the sinful delight his words hold. “Challenge accepted.” His sharp whisper is far too close to my ear. But I can’t even think of cringing away from him.

I should be ashamed of the excitement roiling in my stomach when his words sink in. And I should be terrified of the urgency in his hands as he yanks hard at my jeans to drag them over my hips. Most of all, I should be screaming at the pain of his cock pressing into my unprepared body. But I’m not. I’m not ashamed, or scared, or willing to show the agony of his thrusts inside of me.

It doesn’t matter that he’s taking my virginity in the roughest way possible- on the ground of a filthy alley. It doesn’t matter that I can tell how angry he is- from the growls constantly meeting my ears. It doesn’t matter that each deep thrust sends shock waves of pain all the way through my body.

All that matters is that it’s him.

The blood, the pain, the tears leaking silently down my cheeks. I’d do it again. And again, and again. Hell, maybe I will! I bet I could get him to do this again someday. It was surprisingly easy to pester him into doing it now. I know I could do it! I know very well how to manipulate my monster, after all.

I want him, in every way. His attention, and his violence, and now his body too. I don’t care that it hurts, I just care that it’s Shizuo causing the hurt!

It’s over sooner than I want it to be. I guess I should have expected as much. He’s no more experienced than I am. Shizuo stiffens behind me, groaning low in his throat as new warmth washes through me, adding to the burn of already ruined muscles. It stings, especially where I know I’ve ripped inside. But it’s not enough to kill the heat between my own thighs.

His hasty retreat almost does though.

I peek at him from the corner of my eye as he quickly does up his pants, looking disgusted with himself. A frown pulls at my lips as I slowly sit back on my heels. I can feel his cum sliding slowly back out of me, along with some blood. I wonder what Shizuo would think if he saw it.

But he doesn’t look. He doesn’t say anything. He just finishes righting his uniform and turns to walk away. But it’s okay. I know this will stay with him. Almost as vividly as it will stay with me.

And who knows, that might be enough to get him back in this position again. It’s a thought I cling to as I work myself over with my own hand.

More than anything else in my life, I want him. And if this is the only way I can have him, then that’s okay. I’ll do it. No matter where it takes me, or how it ends up. I will keep having Shizuo, even if it’s only ever going to be like this.

~~~Their Present~~~

“Ne, Shizu-chan? What day do you consider our anniversary anyway?” I drag my fingers over his chest, tracing the pale, barely there scar from the first day we met. So much has happened since then. So much has changed, even from a year ago.

His hands are not idle either. One is scratching lightly at my scalp, while the other rubs small circles into my lower back. But as I wait for an answer, that hand slides around to my front to thumb at the pucker of bunched, discolored skin on my abdomen.

“The day you came back to Ikebukuro after you healed from this.” He explains happily.

“Was that already a year ago?” I mumble into his skin. He hums a soft, affirmative noise. “Was that only a year ago?” I sigh.

“A lot’s happened. You have an eventful life, don’t you.” He drawls, blinking sex bleary eyes open at me. I flush despite myself, resisting the urge to crane my neck and kiss him.

“It has its ups and downs.” I agree belatedly. Shizuo chuckles, doing what I wouldn’t do by dipping his head and pressing our lips together. His soft face has a couple of hard edges that I wasn’t expecting to see as he pulls away from the kiss. My own brow creases with confusion. “What is it?”

“I…I’ve been responsible for a lot of the downs.” He states, sounding more ashamed of himself than I could have expected. I recoil a little just from surprise. All this time has passed, but he still surprises me.

“I don’t care about that, Shizu-chan. You’re also the one who’s been responsible for the most ups. If you know what I mean.” I can’t help but to throw in a wink and subtle grind against his leg at the end. But even my attempt at levity can’t completely clear his conscience it would seem. He only smiles patiently and kisses my forehead with a somberness that has no place in this cozy space between us.

“There are some things I’ll never be able to forgive myself for.” His whisper leaves me both sad and angry. And, for the sake of drowning out the former, I choose to cling to the latter.

I sit up abruptly, much to his displeasure. But he merely follows after my motion, sitting cross legged to my side as I glare across the room at the wall.

“Do you trust me Shizuo?” I demand. I can feel his curious gaze on the side of my face. And after a moment, the soft touch of his palm follows.

He turns my face towards him with a small, indulgent smile. “Yeah. I do.”

“And if I said that I trust you, would you believe me?” I immediately press on, not even stopping to appreciate his sentiment.

Shizuo looks taken aback. And then awkward. And then kind of guilty. All of which leaves me feeling more and more frustrated. And the longer he’s quiet, the longer it builds. It’s just like the old days.

Except now, he’s the one driving me crazy just by existing quietly beside me. I wish he would say something! Even if it’s the truth.

I slide out of my bed, to the sound of his apologetic whine. I ignore it though, going to my closet to grab a couple of the spare bow ties he keeps here for the occasions he ends up staying the night.

His face is framed with confusion as I stalk back to him and push them in his face. And it only gets worse when I snap an insistent, “Tie me up, Shizu-chan.”

His eyes glaze over faster than I thought possible. I wonder if he’s ever thought of this kind of thing. I know I sure as hell have.

“What?”

“Tie me up. Call it your anniversary gift or whatever. What else can I give you anyway? You don’t like material things.” He opens his mouth to argue- no doubt the same old insistence that he doesn’t need a gift, even one like this. I press my palm to his lips to stop the words before they can stop my weird surge of bravery. “So instead, let me show you that I trust you, in the most basic and primal way that I can. I’m giving myself to you for our anniversary.”

I’m fairly certain it’s at this point that I actually hear his brain explode. He’s still as death, even after I take my hand off his mouth. It slowly gets more and more annoying until I sigh and climb onto the bed, and onto his lap.

“Shizuo.” I poke his cheek insistently until he blinks himself back to clarity. “I mean it. Come on, tie me up.” He eyes the bow ties that I hold up in front of his face again, doubt written all over his expression.

“Izaya, I…what if you get hurt?” He frets, but he seems to have finally regained some of his motor function skills. His hands curl around my waist, barely even touching me, they’re so light against my skin.

“Oh no, what will I do? I’ve never had an injury before.” I drawl. The ill humor doesn’t exactly help the situation. But at least his scowl is better than his nervous grimace. “Shizuo, the whole point is that I trust you not to hurt me. For a whole year now, you’ve never hurt me. I know you won’t now either.”

I feel disgustingly domestic in this moment. Especially because of how emotional he looks. But beneath the sentimental, teary doe-eyes, a determination has settled in Shizuo.

“Should we have a safe word or something?” He asks, dragging his hands ever so slowly up my back.

“What’s something that really turns us off?” I wonder aloud, playing idly with the bow ties in my hands. We both only need a few seconds. Shizuo looks up at me at the same moment I look down at him.

“Shinra.” We say as one.

“Well, that’s settled.” I grin, flopping to the side and crossing my hands over my head. I look at him expectantly until he sighs and moves to straddle me. He keeps his eyes locked with mine for a few seconds before reaching up for my wrists with one of the bow ties.

As a debt collector, I’m sure Shizuo should probably know how to tie people up. That is, if he believed in finesse and restraining people he would. But he’s more of a beat-them-to-a-pulp-so-they-can’t-move kind of debt collector.

It shows in how nervous he looks as he ties my hands together. The little crease between his brow as he very carefully winds the fabric around my wrists is adorable.

I thought it then, and I still think it now. It’s not fair for such a beast of a man to be so cute.

A smile quirks up my lips without my permission. When Shizuo glances down at me to measure my comfort level, he sees it and stalls for a moment.

“You’re really…enjoying this?” He asks, sounding somewhere between shock and awe.

“Mmm…yeah. Aren’t you, Shizu-chan? I’m sure you’ve thought of it before. Tying me down and doing anything you want to me.” I try to channel any trace of sultriness I could possibly possess into my tone. At the very least, it’s enough to get his cheeks warmed up.

“I…It’s not like I want to see you helpless.” He denies. I quirk an eyebrow, in pure disbelief.

“This from the man who frequently threatens to keep me tied to his bed whenever he gets irritated with me.” I remind him dryly. His blush gets about four shades darker. He pulls the bow tie into a tight knot- probably trying to distract me from his shame. I only smirk.

“That’s just…ya know…sexy talk.” He really is bad at justifying himself. But that’s okay, because I’m good enough at it for the both of us.

“And this is just sexy times, with props. You don’t have to be so awkward. I trust you, remember?” My head quirks to the side, allowing some of my hair to drape over my forehead. He immediately reaches forward to brush it away, running his palm down my cheek afterward.

Shizuo’s thumb sweeps over the swell of my bottom lip slowly and sweetly. Just from the look on his face, I’m sure he’s thinking the same thing I am. That normally I would be taking his hand and redirecting it elsewhere. Somewhere it can do more good.

My hands even twitch with the desire to do it. Shizuo’s eyes dart up to the motion and a more enthusiastic smirk starts to curl up his mouth.

He grabs the other tie, looping it around the middle of my binds and then around one of the twelve posts that make up my bed’s headboard.

“Did you buy this bed specifically for this?” Shizuo drawls with some generous side eye at me. I can only reply with a wide smile, even if it’s not necessarily the truth. Honestly, I bought the bed because it was on sale. But, I’ll let him think it was for it’s sexy potential, if it turns him on more. “Kinky shit.”

“You love it!” I immediately crow. He chuckles under his breath, slowly dragging his hands down my arms and over my chest. His fingers linger on my nipples, pinching and twisting so gently that it’s almost torture. “Maybe you actually hate me.” I groan.

“Are you not enjoying yourself after all, I-za-ya-kun?” He coos, leaning down to swipe his tongue against one of the buds. I suck in a gasp at the small stimulation.

“You seem to have changed your tune.” I point out as well. He shrugs, sucking my nipple between his lips with an infuriating lack of urgency. It’s very clear that he’s just taking his sweet time on this- as complacent as can be. And I wish I could be mad about it!

“I think you may have been on to something with this. Tying you down and doing anything I want to you…now that is worth its weight in gold.” He leans up to kiss my cheek tenderly. “Since you hardly ever let me get away with sweetness.”

A chill goes down my spine. I…honestly hadn’t anticipated that. I thought we’d just…have kinky sex. I would be totally okay with that. But he’s right, I hardly ever allow him to dote and fret over me, especially during sex. Not because I hate it. It’s mostly because in those moments I literally feel like I’m going to melt beneath his unbearable sunshine and sweetness.

“You wouldn’t…” I all but hiss. Shizuo grins, turning his attention to my other nipple. I throw my head back, trying in vain to keep him from seeing how flustered I’m already getting.

It’s been a year now. I’m positive he knows that if he wants to get me worked up, being gentle is the best way to do it. Which is why I try to coerce him into rough sex more often than not.

If I wasn’t already a little breathless, I’d try to manipulate him in that direction now too. But I don’t think he’s going to let me get under his skin right now. Not when he seems more than thrilled to be getting under mine for once.

“Shizu-chan…” I whine, arching fitfully when the rub of his tongue on my sensitive skin is becoming damn near painful. A string of saliva follows his lips off my nipple for a few moments before snapping. And somehow, despite being disgusting, it’s really hot. “How could you be so mean to me, Shizu-chan?”

“Because I love you, Izaya-kun.” He promises simply. I pout at him. “Don’t be such a drama queen.” He orders, but he’s smiling indulgently at me. “Just sit tight and let me enjoy my anniversary present.”

And when he puts it like that, I kind of have to obey.

But it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it! I continue to pout and whine as he ever so slowly starts to drive me out of my mind.

Far from discouraging him, my petulance only seems to make it more fun for Shizuo. His lips never fall from his smirk. Even as he kisses and nips his way down my torso and across my hip bones. Even when he takes the head of my cock into his mouth, it’s still miraculously there! I’m convinced he’s the only man alive who can look so smug while literally sucking a dick.

“Clearly you’re not suffering as much as you’re making it seem like you are.” Shizuo taunts me. He keeps his palm moving over my crotch while he talks, giving me no moment of reprieve. I can see the shine in his sadist eyes, which assures me that my heavy breathing and writhing is not going unnoticed by him.

I need to save face somehow. And while he has reduced me to a whimpering mess, he hasn’t completely destroyed my ability to talk…yet.

“So mean Shizu-chan. I give you a gift and you’re getting all caught up admiring the wrapping. You should cut to the case and open me up.” He’s already nestled between my legs, but I spread them further for him, hopeful that he’ll actually take me up on my challenge.

He even looks tempted for a moment. But then he shrugs and dips his head back to my hip bones to trail his lips down the crease of my leg and crotch. “I’ll get to it eventually.” He mumbles, so halfheartedly that I’m beginning to worry that he won’t, in fact, “get to it”.

“This is cruel and unusual punishment, Shizuo! Making your boyfriend suffer like this should be against the law!” I whine pitifully.

“Ah, but I’m just enjoying my present. There’s no law against that.” He insists, casually running his fingers up and down the inside of my thigh. “You’re so soft.”

“Shizu-chan just thinks I’m a pet. Some fluffy thing to stroke.” I huff.

“I would never do something like this to a pet.” He denies immediately, actually sounding offended. I pout at him. “Fine, fine. Since you’re so impatient.”

Shizuo leaves one last lingering kiss at my hipbone before sliding away from me. Not by much, just enough so that he can reach the lube on the bedside table. But I still whimper at the short absence.

“We just did it, Shizu-chan! You don’t need to-”

“Hush.” He shushes me with a kind of authority I don’t normally get to see in him anymore. It gives me a good shiver down the spine. Especially when he levels me with a dark gaze as two of his fingers ease their way inside.

It’s literally been less than an hour since we fucked. He really doesn’t need to do this, just like I said. But it’s clear he’s taking pleasure in it. It’s clear he likes the way my breathing gets heavier, even though I’m trying so hard to keep it level. I just can’t help it, when his touch moves so firm but so gentle against my insides.

“You’re so red.” He chuckles to himself, earning himself a fierce glare. His reply is a sweet kiss to my forehead. “So beautiful.” This time I can’t glare indignantly. I have to duck my face to avoid him seeing the worst of my embarrassment. “Hey, don’t hide.”

I’ve been paying so much attention to the slow slide of his hand between my legs that I lost track of the other one. It cups my chin to bring my face back up. And as warm as my cheeks feel to me, I’m sure they’re even redder to him. The pure adoration on his face pretty much confirms it.

“Shizuo…you’re driving me crazy…I don’t think I can stand much more…” I shamefully admit. He smiles so tenderly it almost makes me tear up.

“You’re doing so good, Izaya.” The simple encouragement shouldn’t be able to affect me this much. But my head starts to get light, and my stomach drops through my body and through the floor- or so it feels. I groan helplessly, and his answering smile is blinding.

“Please!” It bursts from my mouth before I can contain it. I hardly ever honestly beg him. If I do say ‘please’ it’s usually weighed down with sarcasm, or too over-exaggerated to even sound genuine. So this definitely catches his attention.

“Shh, just a little more.” He whispers, eyes bright with mischief and self congratulation. I want to be mad at him, for taking such obvious delight in my torment. I want to! But that would require my mind to actually process past the overwhelming assault on my nerves and senses.

And then, clearly in an effort to make things even worse for me, Shizuo smirks and hooks his fingers up to target my prostate with deadly accuracy.

An honest-to-god squeal comes from my mouth as my hips strain up. Whether I’m seeking more stimulation, or trying to escape it…even I don’t know. But what I get for my troubles is Shizuo suddenly swooping down to kiss me as he proceeds to actively attack my sweet spot.

The rub of his tongue against mine, coupled with the soul-shattering press of his fingertips to the inside of my body, cuts me to the core. I feel like he is genuinely forcing my soul from my body when I surrender to the orgasm that he’s built in me in a very short amount of time.

It leaves me dizzy for a different reason as he sits back up to loom over me in all his primal, pleased glory.

“You…bastard…” I huff, when I actually feel like I can speak without croaking. Shizuo smiles like it’s a compliment.

“You look so beautiful right now.” He tells me, softly running his palm across my chest. Which would probably feel suspiciously like an animal being pet, and which I would probably object to. If I weren’t so distracted by the resumed motion of his fingers inside me.

“Noooo~” I whine, arching as much as I can when I still feel like jelly.

“You’re so dramatic.” Shizuo chuckles, rubbing his thumb back and forth across my cheekbone. When I pout at him, he grins and slides another finger in alongside the first two. “Do you want me to stop fingering you?” His purr assures me that no matter what I say, he’ll still do what he wants. I just can’t figure out what he wants at this point.

So it really doesn’t matter what I say, I’m sure. “Like you even have to ask. You already know I want you to stop.” I scowl.

“You bounce back from being completely blissed-out to being a shitty brat so fast. It honestly amazes me.” He deadpans. But his tone returns to warmth in the next moment. “But I guess, since it is your anniversary too, I’ll allow your request.”

Before I have time to throw back a witty response, he aims one last stroke over my prostate. And while I’m still recovering from the shiver it sends through my entire body, Shizuo slides the tip of his dick into me.

“There. Are you happier now that I’ve opened my gift?” He demands. If he’s expecting an actual answer from me, he’s fresh outta luck. My usual ability to snap back with quick retorts short circuits more and more the deeper his dick presses inside of me.

When he bottoms out, a long moan slips from my throat. Shizuo seems to take that as an answer instead of any half assed whine I could put together. The devilish grin on his face assures me that he’s quite pleased with the pitiful noise.

“Shizu-chaaaan~ Moooove~” I squirm as much as I can. With his hands gripping my hips so deliciously tight, it’s not like I can go far. And bound as I am, I’m literally limited to just wriggling and begging in order to get what I want.

Luckily, this time he seems to be thinking along the same lines as me. There’s no fighting for his cooperation. He pulls out so that only the tip of his dick is still inside, then eases his way back in.

Agonizingly…painfully…slowly.

“Nngh! Please, faster!” I whine, clenching my hands- and wishing that I had the soft locks of his hair between my fingers as I do.

“So impatient.” Shizuo hums, going just as slow with his next several thrusts. It’s enough of a torment to get me to start sweating! “I love it like this, you know? I love feeling every inch of us coming together. I love the way your body sucks me in…like it’s pleading for me. Fuck…so fucking good…Izaya…”

With how slow he’s going, Shizuo really shouldn’t be panting yet. But the ragged pace of his breathing somehow leaves me feeling even more wrecked as his words wash over me.

“Shizuo~”

“You’re so fucking hot inside here.” Shizuo punctuates this with a sudden fast pulse of his hips. He sinks all the way in, and sighs like he’s found true bliss. “It feels like you want me to burn.” He chuckles, huffing as he deals out another few of these faster thrusts.

Even though it’s not a huge change of pace, the sheer power and depth of his motion steals the breath from my lungs and the sense from my mind. I can’t even keep calling out his name! All I can do is yelp and whine and moan for him.

That seems to suit him just fine.

His hands start to wander again as he picks a good pace. His palms feel so big as they slide up my sides and cup my chest. I want to roll my eyes and point out that there’s nothing there for him to fondle.

But cognizant thought isn’t one of my strengths right now. All I can think about is the pinch of his thumb and finger around my nipple, and the slide of his cock inside of me. Even after the hellish amount of stretching- and the previous round of sex- it still feels like he’s filling me completely. We fit each other so perfectly. After all this time.

“Nngh! Shizuo- I love you!” I’m not sure what possesses me to say it. I’m even less sure how I manage to say it- as frazzled as I am right now. But I’m definitely not disappointed by the result.

Shizuo’s head snaps up from his intent focus on my chest. He’s blushing. Not the pink shine he sometimes gets. A full blush. It’s beautiful.

“Say it again.” He huffs, and I wonder if he’s noticed that his pace has picked up at all.

“I love you!” I shout in pure, untainted honesty. His hands clench around my ribs, holding me so tightly as he fucks me. There’s a desperation in the strength of his grip. A determination to never let me go. It’s the most comforting feeling in the world, for someone like me.

“I love you, Izaya!” Shizuo growls, leaning down to attack me with a kiss.

Given how much of his attention he pours into the kiss, I’m pretty sure he’s not even paying attention to his thrusting anymore. I bet he doesn’t even realize how deep and how fast he’s going. I would not be surprised if he was completely oblivious to the clear signs of both our impending orgasms.

But, I am not. And I begrudgingly pull back from the kiss to pant against his mouth and beg.

“Please! Please, Shizu-chan, I need~ please!” His eyes are foggy with something even more powerful than lust. He looks disgustingly in love with me- his face soft and gentle and so fucking cute it hurts! But recognition glimmers sharp like a bold of lighting in his cloudy gaze and he nods resolutely.

“Anything. For you, I’d do fucking anything Izaya.” He swears, straightening up and slotting his hands beneath either of my knees.

He hardly has to use any of his limitless strength to push my legs up and open. The wide spread has me actually keening, as he seems to delve even deeper into me. His answering growl has goosebumps breaking out on my skin.

Short shouts and syllables escape my throat with his thrusts. It’s more embarrassing than anything else when I realize just what my traitorous mouth is trying to tell him. Sappy confessions of love and affection keep sliding out in a disjointed cycle that only makes him more and more giddily happy.

But, it also makes him more determined so…I’ll allow it.

It’s when his whole name bursts from my throat again that he groans and spills hot inside of me. The feeling of being filled for the second time tonight is both kind of gross and really hot, for some reason. Hot enough that it only takes the first stroke of his palm over my dick before I’m coming too.

“God…so beautiful.” Shizuo rumbles, wasting no time in getting to the ooey gooey romantic stuff he loves so much. But…I guess that’s okay too. For now.

“Shizuo…” I sigh, feeling sedate and so happy. Like, actually happy.

It’s been a year and it’s still weird to me. I never imagined I’d get to feel this way. Especially with him. It’s more than I ever dared to dream of. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

“Hey, I love you Izaya.” Shizuo purrs, obviously still luxuriating in the post-orgasm bliss.

“Love you too.” I pant back, too overwhelmed by my own hormone high to filter my speech. Which is a big bonus for him, I bet.

He finally pulls out of me after a few minutes of recovery. And the first thing he does after that is reach for my wrists. He unties them with the caution of someone expecting broken bones to lie beneath the ties. And even though all he finds is lightly chafed skin, he still grimaces.

“I’m fine, you dramatic killjoy.” I flick at his nose playfully as he examines every millimeter of my wrists. A brief scowl crosses his face, but then he sighs in relief and places a lingering kiss to each of my pulse points. “I told you nothing bad would happen.”

“But it could have!” He immediately insists. It’s my turn to grab him by the chin and force his attention to my face.

“No. It couldn’t have. Because you would never hurt me, Shizuo. I trust you to never hurt me.” I remind him pointedly. And before my eyes I watch as emotion swells in my beast. Honestly, he’s such a…human. “Lay down with me.” I command.

He drops like a stone, wrapping around me tight as an octopus. His head tucks under my chin, resting his ear as close to my heart as he can. I know he likes the steady beating of it. He can be incredibly needy.

But…I don’t exactly mind. Not as much as I pretend to, that’s for sure.

“Shizuo…remember what you told me a year ago? That the only reason you treated me so rough back then was because you thought the only thing I wanted was for you to be a monster?” I start warily. He tenses up beside me, but nods. “We were both idiots. I was a total ass to you, because I thought I had to manipulate you or else you’d never even come close to me. You thought you had to be a monster, because I told you that you had to. So, I guess it’s both our faults.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I did. Fuck…the first time we…I didn’t even prepare you. You must have been in so much fucking pain.” He’s started to shake a little. It’s honestly concerning. I cling to him tighter.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. The only thing I cared about was that it was you. And that hasn’t changed. It never will.” I promise, as boldly as I can. It’s still weird for me to just talk to him like this. It really shouldn’t have taken a year for me to get to this place. But better late than never, I guess.

“I still hate myself for doing it.” He murmurs. I kiss the top of his head.

“That’s pretty fucking rude. How dare you hate my boyfriend, whom I love very, very much.” A choked laugh slips from his throat, obviously surprising him. “Look, I’m something of an expert at regretting things. And holding onto those regrets with an iron grip. So I can’t really lecture you on it without turning into a huge fucking hypocrite. All I can say…is that there’s really nothing for you to worry about. I’ve never, ever blamed you. It’s okay, Shizuo. I love you.”

I can’t quite tell if his sigh is resignation or relief. There’s a pretty big gap between the two, as far as results go. But I don’t want to bother him too much. Not when he’s this emotionally compromised.

It’s better if I just keep him tucked against me. I can just show him that I mean it through my actions. That’s always how we’ve communicated best, anyway.

The room stays so quiet and still for so long, I begin to wonder if he’s fallen asleep. I’m exhausted myself, so I wouldn’t be surprised. He was the one doing all the work, after all. He’s gotta be even more tired than I am!

But just as I start to entertain the idea of falling asleep as well, he stirs and sits up. I follow him, wrapping my arms around his waist possessively when he starts to slide out of bed. “Wait, where are you-”

“I’m just going to my jeans. I promise.” Shizuo turns to kiss my forehead tenderly, waiting until I begrudgingly release him before he continues standing. He stretches for a moment- and the view is very satisfactory. Then he does exactly what he said he would. He loots through his jeans pockets for a minute and promptly returns to the warmth of the bed.

“What exactly did you need so desperately that you had to interrupt my afterglow?” I demand suspiciously, eyeing the way he keeps his right hand carefully closed over something.

“Hush. You’ll see.” He grunts pensively. And that’s a little unnerving, considering how he should be more sappy and sex-happy right about now.

“Shizuo you’re scaring me.” I deadpan. He sighs, reaching out to cup my cheek and rub his thumb over my skin.

“You gave me an anniversary gift that I can’t possibly measure up to. I’ve had months to prepare for this, and you managed to beat me with one off-handed suggestion. It pisses me off, how fast you can think. You’re fucking impossible.” He growls, and I preen under the insulting praise.

“You always know what to say.” I drawl, just to watch the way his jaw clenches. But after a moment he breathes in deep and drops his hand from my face to link his fingers with mine.

“I have a gift for you too.” He tells me.

“Is it your dick in a box? Should I put the song on again?” I suggest, already turning to reach for whichever one of my phones I left on the nightstand. He tugs me by my hand to face him again.

“No, you little shit. You’ve already added enough views to that fucking video.” I smile innocently. “Look, it’s kind of…kind of small.”

“Ooh, is it a tag? Finally gonna put a collar on me? Keep me from wandering off? You tie me up once, and now we’re already at collars-” He abruptly releases my hand to press his palm to my mouth.

“If you’d shut up for a fucking second, I’d tell you what it really is.” He grunts in blatant exasperation. I chuckle wickedly, even if the sound is muffled by his hand. “Look, Izaya…I love you.”

He slowly uncovers my mouth. I grab his hand and place a soft kiss to his palm before he can full lower it. “I know. I love you too.” I admit, even if I can’t look him in the eye as I do it.

“I’ve loved you for a while. Before I was even willing to put a name to it, I was in love with you. I want to keep loving you. I want to keep having sex and going to awkward family dinners and embarrassing you by giving you too many emotions that you don’t know how to deal with. I want…a future with you.” Slowly my eyes drift back up to his face. His hopeful, pleading face.

Shizuo takes one of my hands. He holds it between us, my palm facing up. The hand he’s kept defiantly closed this whole time comes to rest on top of my palm. And then he lets go of his fierce grip, and a small weight hits my skin.

The second he pulls his hand away, I know what it is. It’s pretty hard to mistake the shape of a ring, even in the relative darkness of my room.

It’s a simple band, pale and shining and warmed by his body heat. It feels like fire as it rests- so innocent but so meaningful- against my palm. It’s honestly beautiful. But also…terrifying.

“Is this…” I whisper, unable to take my eyes off the circle of metal.

“I want you to marry me, Izaya. I don’t care where we have to go to make it legal and official. I don’t care that it might be decades before it’s legally recognized here in Japan. I just…want to marry you. Please, take care of me. And I’ll take care of you.”

It’s a beautifully worded proposal- especially considering it’s coming from Shizuo. My dumb, stumbling monster. It’s so beautiful that it makes me feel guilty that I still can’t manage to tear my gaze from the ring, and all it means.

“Izaya?” Shizuo whispers nervously. He tips my head up, helping me do something I couldn’t for the life of me do myself. “Is it too much?”

“No.” I say immediately. Which sounds a little too blunt, given the fact that I never answered his first…thing. “I mean- I meant no to the ‘is it too much’ thing! I didn’t- that wasn’t a rejection!” I hurry to promise him. And it’s a good thing too. He looked…pretty worried for a moment.

“So…if it’s not a rejection…” He hesitates. And it’s so maddeningly endearing that I have to lean in and kiss him.

“I don’t want to be any different than we are right now. I want to still be these people even ten years from now. Can you promise me that, if I marry you, you’ll still be my horrifically stupid, and frighteningly brilliant Shizuo? Forever?” I beg against his lips.

He presses another brief kiss to my mouth. “I promise. If you’ll still be my irritating, infuriating, and adorable Izaya too.”

Even now, with all this going on, I still want to argue about the ‘adorable’ part. I’m sure if I did, he’d just chuckle darkly and hold me down and smother me with kisses until I relented just to get him to stop.

The fact that I’m totally okay with that idea definitely means something. But- for the sake of avoiding any deep soul searching- right now it just means that I’m smiling when I look down to watch myself put the ring on my finger. Shizuo watches me too. His smile is blinding when he meets my eyes again. And before I can even start to feel self-conscious, he tackles me.

He’s laughing- almost maniacally- as he wraps around me. Despite myself, I laugh too. Mostly because I’m still in a bit of shock. I never, ever thought this would happen. I never thought that I’d actually get to keep Shizuo. Apparently for my whole life!

He keeps kissing me, over and over as he laughs. And then he holds my hand up for the ring to catch the meager light and starts laughing and kissing all over again. It’s honestly adorable to watch him act like an actual five year old.

It’s amazing to think that I get to see this side of him.

It’s amazing to think that I get to keep seeing it. I get to keep having Shizuo. It’s…incredible! Especially since it’s going to be like this.

I wouldn’t change a single thing leading up to this moment. I’d do it all over again, as long as I ended up with this again. Id do it over and over and over.

Because holy fuck. I’m going to marry Shizuo Heiwajima.

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE! Bet you can't guess what the next fic's gonna be!  
> to be honest, i had to actually sacrifice what was left of my soul to write all this sappy romantic stuff. but, given their history in this series, i think i'm justified in giving these traumatized boys a little bit of ooc joy! leave me and my gay ass sons alone!  
> I hope you all enjoyed! i hope to be back with more fics for you soon!


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